Wednesday, August 25, 2010


How do I put this delicately?

The wild animals in NE Ohio are suicidal.

Ask someone who has lived here for any period of time and they will tell you to beware of deer, 'possum, raccoons, bunnies, geese, squirrels, and other vermin.  Common warning phrases include: "Turn your brights on when driving on country roads in the dark, so you see the deer first," "Watch out for groundhogs on Reagan Parkway," and "Whatever you do, don't hit a skunk."

I have never hit a skunk, but we did see one in our front yard the other night and decided to enter our driveway very slowly, so we wouldn't startle it (we've smelled plenty of skunk juice around our town to know better).   Sadly, I did hit a bird not long ago.   I was driving down a rural highway when it happened.  In every other scenario where I've approached a bird with my car, the bird has flown or waddled away.  They always move!

This one didn't.

I was traumatized and initiated in the same moment.

Accidents involving wildlife are common in this part of the country. So common, in fact, that every other person you meet has a story, and the Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles has a section in their driver handbook detailing post-collision protocol for processing a deer.

I thought living in a city without red light cameras was a relief, now I have creatures with self-destructive tendencies to worry about.


  1. I love the section of the handbook that tells you that if you hit a deer, you more or less own it. Deer jerky, here I come!

    And also- the groundhogs. If you play the "count how many freaking groundhogs there are in the grass by Reagan Pkwy" game, you're slightly less likely to hit one of them ;)

  2. haha Krista! If the daffodils don't convince you it's Spring, the road kill count will. :)